High-conflict relationships are emotional and psychological minefields. For men who seek assistance for — or just try to talk about what they are experiencing, society often reacts with indifference and scorn.
Men tend to feel a sense of failure, as though whatever problems are in the relationship are somehow their fault. This is sadly the case for many men who live with unrelenting abuse at the hands of a woman.
At the very least men across the spectrum of society are given messages from friends, family, clergy and “mental health” professionals that they need to “man up” and tolerate abuse as though it were in their job description as a husband or boyfriend.
Some therapists have even coined the term “radical acceptance” as a way for victims to react to abusive women.
Actually, that is a radically misdirected social standard and it partly explains why men kill themselves at four times the rate of women; a disparity that doubles during breakup and divorce.
Men are so indoctrinated into this dysfunctional line of thinking that many male abuse victims are not even conscious of being abused.
Let us be clear. No one deserves or should tolerate abuse. No one deserves the right to dispense abuse, and their actions should not be tolerated by anyone.
This bit of reality is a tough problem in a society which tells men that they need to just take whatever happens to them. When they try, family members and other peers, even professional psychotherapists will try to push them right back into the line of fire, with orders to “just figure it out.”
It is a form of social insanity that has to stop.
If you are currently in, or think you might be in an abusive relationship you need a way out, and you need support for doing what you need to do. Whether you find that support here or elsewhere, your job is to find it; to have people on your side. Because for a man getting away from an abusive woman, getting away is the only thing that matters.